if there’s a burner behind the back burner, that’s where this blog has been sitting this week. to put it ineloquently, i’m full of tired (to illustrate: my eyes were crossing as i typed that sentence and i’m not really sure i can walk the five steps to the microwave to reheat my coffee for the third time this morning.).
life has been a bit of a collision these past few days. owen has been sick and is it just me or does everything else just go. out. the. window. when your baby is under the weather? it’s kind of wonderful despite the insanity, the cuddles and that little scent on their skin that only a mama could love. of course, this unexpected (i would like a genie to come grant me the wish of never expecting anything at anytime again, please.) escapade coincided with several work projects hitting crunch time at once, so last night was spent writing, emailing, editing and thank the Lord for husbands who love on early-rising littles while mamas drain all they can from those precious hours of sleep.
when weeks like this happen, i can’t help but think about how more likely they are to occur when we embark further on our foster care journey. i’m reflecting and praying and waiting and asking God to plant my roots more firmly, because plans and intentions and what i thought i wanted has been drifting further and further away from my grasp the more i pursue the Spirit’s call. He still gives wisdom, sometimes He lets me be part of forming what’s next, but sometimes the actual roads are so unlike the map i drew. and He says “it is very good.”.
so while the chaos and unexpected abound, in my heart i’ve gone quiet. pondering and waiting and knowing that it’s His best that surrounds and awaits me. i’m asking the Spirit to burrow deeper still, to remind and testify, to refresh and cultivate. may His goodness have great space to grow within me, for it is far greater than anything my mind can conceive or heart can hope. in the going quiet, i’m hearing much of Him. finding much of Him. and He is good.