i’m starting to think that there might be more to life than feeling like i have it all under control.
recently, most days have been characterized by a few ends still loose and threads slightly unraveled and leaks slowly dripping yet the world does not end nor stall nor perhaps even slow and i’m still breathing and moving and maybe just a touch more free.
unfortunately, in general, it turns out that i rarely give any of this a chance to occur. i spend time, exert energy and direct attention toward grabbing the control panel, punching buttons and making connections and managing outcomes and i wonder sometimes what i’m missing in the gray as i strive for the white and the black. i’m closer now to engaging the depths of the less than assured than i’ve ever been and i laugh while typing this because i get so nervous when i read posts and articles that say things like that.
i’m serious about doctrine. i’m serious about righteousness and goodness and gospel at all times for all people and, therefore, i’m amazed to learn that in the backyard of all the Truth set in stone there is a vast expanse for exploration and, despite my trepidation, wild grace abounds as i seek to understand the landscape.
i’ve been long obsessed with doing things right and keeping the peace and seeing all people pleased. my heart is itching for the world beyond those confining borders and as it yearns for depth and reason, i rack my brain for those i know who dwell in that sacred space and haven’t worked through the hard things, held the tough positions, thought the challenging notions and none come to mind. my cry is not original or unique, and i sense it resonating throughout the peers of my generation. i want to join them as they dream and breathe and navigate and our Fountain and Source is He Who grants us wisdom, Who gives us mercy, Who keeps our paths straight. in the marriage of belief and action are sweetness and joy and i can sense His spirit spurring me on toward good deeds and i rejoice. what better place could there be than standing upon His truth and promises as He gives us the ability to sort through the rest? He takes my hand and guides me on and i trust that He will bring me to positions and persons and possibilities that make His name greater. may that be the foundation for my dreams and endeavors and conclusions, always.
[an epilogue, if you will:
i hope this can be a space in which we learn and grow and dream and encourage conversation, recognizing the broad place in which He sets our feet as we cling to the Truth and wrestle with its implications, realizing that some are non-negotiable, and others have room for disagreement that need not breed dissension. interestingly, an overwhelming number of these issues nearly force a conversation about how Christians engage the world in a way that speaks Christ’s love clearly, unashamedly, boldly and gently.
let us not shrink back as those with no ground on which to stand. let us be a generation that both thinks and applies, believes and acts, promises and does. He will supply the effort and the empathy, the resolve and the rest. let us both ask and answer with confidence in the grace of His approachable throne.]