“I’m already condemned,” I quipped over coffee with a friend yesterday afternoon.
Another baby philosophy book opened, another first page leaving me awash in confusion, doubt and ridiculous concern that my child is perhaps already losing his chance for success because of my alleged errors in sleep training, feeding, wake time activities. I smiled as I joked with my friend, and I smile as I write this now because when my mind is clear and heart is right, I’m thankful for those books. I’m thankful for their perspective, however much of it I adopt as my own. I’m thankful that they point out ways I can help the babe grasp onto life for all it has to offer. I’m thankful for what they reveal about my own heart.
I’m already condemned.
A joke to a friend in one moment, a terrifying truth pulsing in my soul the next. The cost far greater than a full night’s sleep or a baby who loves vegetables, the standard far more strict than one doctor’s perspective or prescription for success.
I’m already condemned.
I hear it every day. In my head, in my heart, in the words of those around me. Gathered with women of God last night, we struggle and study Romans 8 and pray that we will be those who help others see, those who believe ourselves, that his grace is enough. That though we were condemned from conception, the shed blood of Christ, the victorious resurrection, the promise of new life, restoration, covenant, renewal has set us free from our bondage to decay. That though we were bound to the law, already condemned in light of its heart-baring requirements, stripped naked and shamed by its demands, Jesus stood in our place, stripped naked and shamed that we might be free. That we might live, breathe, move, take heart.
In the same way that I could do nothing about my condemnation, I do nothing about my salvation.
He has made the way where there was no way. He has fulfilled the law, it culminates in Him. He has born our condemnation, it finds its end in Him. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He has stood in our place and declared victory over our sin, shame, death, depravity, hopelessness before the perfect standard, the perfect God. He has bought us with a price and we stand before the Holy One redeemed, unblemished, spotless, before we can utter a word, perform an action, obey a law.
The law my standard, already condemned.
The shed blood of Christ my plea, already redeemed. Already justified. Already holy.