our foster care home study is on thursday.
those eight words carry so much weight and meaning that i’m tempted to just leave them alone and hit “publish.”
a home study contractor will come to our home at 5 pm, a list of questions and time for “observing” our family prepared. in other words, this is one of those situations where “just be yourself” is simultaneously the best and most obnoxious advice one could give.
just be ourselves…just try not to explode with passion and hope while we attempt to explain how burdened we are to care for the orphan in a way unbelievably minuscule when compared to the breadth of the crisis.
just be ourselves…just smile and start over when we’re halfway through the response to a challenging question and Owen demands our attention (it is dinnertime, after all) and we can’t remember where that answer was going or why.
just be ourselves…just let the imperfect and messy show. we are young, we are learning, we are zealous and naive yet asking for wisdom to fall like water to our tongues. we are serious about this.
just be ourselves…just let myself speak in metaphor and theory and drips of poetry because my mind swims with language and its unification is how the world makes sense to me. just let jared speak in stories because he makes them come to life, in explanations because he finds truth at their conclusions.
just be ourselves…just play with the plastic farm on the floor while explaining our philosophy on attachment with interjections of “moo” and “baa” and “oink.” just offer dinner and dessert and coffee and a spot on the couch, because we love simple hosting and why should this be any different? just be okay saying “we don’t know, but we want to learn.”
just be ourselves…i am introverted. i am an obsessive achiever. i am a strategist and planner and all those other things that sound like “perfectionist” but aren’t because the standard isn’t perfection, it’s worse. the standard is whatever personal goal i’ve concocted in my mind, conscious or not, attainable or not, healthy or not. thursday will be quite an exercise in laying down my expectations, in surrendering the weaknesses of my personality, in letting our true colors show because (glory to God) our truest colors are the red of Christ’s blood shed over us and the white of the robes He clothed us in and the green of the life all around us that calls our hearts to continue celebrating Sunday’s Easter holiday – the resurrection that means we are new in Him.
just be ourselves…rescued and redeemed, justified, being sanctified, awaiting the day we are glorified. His banner waves over us, His mercy patiently guides us, His sovereignty strongly upholds us. we were first loved and now we love, first chosen and now we choose, first shown compassion and now we work out how to show it ourselves.
just be yourself is starting to sound a little better when i remember Who goes before and behind me, Who gave me a new identity, Who stamped “debt paid” on my soul. may His Spirit speak through us and mingle about us on Thursday night, finding glory, honor, praise in the words uttered. that is, after all, the true meaning underlying each step in this process, the true purpose propelling our love for the least of these. all glory, all honor, all praise to You.
[we appreciate your prayers for us this week! thank you all for loving and caring for our family.]